Clearer Head

So after the initial shock of a negative response, I cried, snuggled with my husband and talked out our baby plan. I think that we are going to continue to use birth control for now at least. Especially with all the comments, like "Why do you want to be pregnant at your age?" and "Congrats you didn't want a baby anyway right?" I don't think anyone realized the multitude of hurt that those comments brought. I understand why a baby would entail, I know that its expensive and stressful but more anything I have always wanted to be a mom! I know that it will put a strain on Greg and I's relationship but I think if we are going have a baby it shouldn't mess our relationship up! If our relationship can't survive a baby then we shouldn't have gotten married. I have never seen Greg glow as much as he did when he thought he was going to be a dad. At this point if we have a baby, we have a baby! We would never abort or adopt so what's the problem. If God thinks we are ready then we will have one. It is no one business to say or give "advice" about something that have no say in!

I am sick and tired of people budding in! Everyone wanted a say in our wedding and when I walked down the aisle it didn't feel like my wedding at all. I compromised so much for everyone else that it became about them and not me. If Greg and I decide to try to get pregnant no one should give us "advice" against, no one should tell us what to do, because they aren't the ones who will be having the baby, we are! I have enough advice this week!

So now that I have gotten my rant out in other news, lots of work, lots kids and lots of sun! I am doing much better sick wise! Probably some hormonal thing, you know us woman!! Other than that just spending tons of time with Greg and enjoying working again!! Last night we went out with his mom and had drinks at Charlie's! She was a little lit and we had a blast dancing!! So things with her are finally looking up!! She really seems to be trying which is great because I want to be close to her!! I want her to be there for me when I need a motherly opinion!! Hope everyone has a great weekend and week!!

Not Pregnant

So I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like something was just taken away from me. Its the worst feeling in the world. After the anticipation Greg and I finally decided that it would be okay if we were. The excitement built and the baby talk made it real that we were ok with whatever happened. Now its over.... all over. Just a "sorry but it came back negative, you aren't pregnant!" I feel so depressed!

Out of body experience?

Ever had one of those? You know where something is happening to you and you are apart of it but at the same time you are in such disbelief that it doesn't seem like its happening to you, like you are watching it happen to someone? Well I had one of those this week. I never in 6 years ever thought I took a certain person for granted but as of Monday she called our friendship quits. Apparently I am too self centered to be her friend. There is much more to this story but I would really rather skip the details. She flipped out about something that wasn't my fault but she didn't know the person whose fault it really was so it was easier to blame it on me. Silly but I am now the kind of person that will ALWAYS take responsibility if I am to blame. Even Monday I took the blame knowing it was completely out of my hands. She criticized me and said some horrible things about the life I have chosen, ie. being married, and that hurt me to the core. I am doing the very best I can and I chose to be a wife. I can not imagine doing things any differently, except running away to Vegas for the wedding, but I wouldn't change the fact I am married. I am truly, honestly 100% happy with Greg and with being his wife. Financially we are going through so trouble but right now who isn't? I just don't understand what made her lash out at me? I have never seen her say such horrible things to anyone. I just sat there and let it happen because I didn't realize what was going on until it was over. This is the second friend from high school that I have had a falling out with in the last 7 months and I just don't get it! Is it me? I am ruining my friendships but skipping some steps and moving quicker then they? Or I am really truly self centered as she said? These are all questions I must think through!

In other news, I am almost certain I am pregnant! It has truly been a rough week and at first thoughts of it, I was scared out of my mind. Now I am so excited that I can't possible wait to find out! I have till the 24th before I can know official and that seems like an eternity doesn't it? Greg at first was scared, he kept asking, am I going to be a good father, can I provide for my family? And I just told him that all will fall into place. If I am then we will be great parents and if I am not then we will keep living life to the fullest without a baby. Personally, I really want this baby to be here. I want to be a mom so bad that I can hardly stand it. I didn't think I would want kids so soon after marriage, I thought I would want to wait a couple years but I want a family. I want to go through 9 months of hell and at the same time the most fantastic experience of my life. I almost want to keep trying if I am not pregnant now! I must be crazy, but I am so emotional about it I don't know what to expect right now. All I know is I am ready or at least I think I am ready!

I hope that summer is a sweet and romantic one. My first one as his wife. I am loving my job taking care of the best kids in the world and I imagine the summer will speed by with them keeping me busy!! Bon Voyage

It's positive after only a month of marriage....

Don't worry I am not pregnant.... at least I don't think I am!! I have a job for the month of June. I know it isn't exactly what I wanted but I can take what I can get as far as a paycheck for now. Besides its pretty easy and I think it will buy the economy some time to turn around but I won't keep my fingers crossed. In other news, my dearest friend from high school Rachael will be here in August to visit which I am most pleased about. I miss her so much. I haven't seen her since graduation which was forever ago. She will be here for a week which isn't really long enough in my eyes but I can't have it my way every time. Hopefully I will be a full time working woman by then... but it seems I can't make those kind of promises.

Greg and I are doing the best we ever have. We are spending so much time together and things that weren't so great in our relationship have taken a turn for the best. I am loving every minute of it. Just because we decided to get married didn't mean we were where I wanted our relationship to be. Now we have far exceeded my expectations. Its really fantastic. I don't know what has changed. We have weeded out some negative people in our lives which has helped out a whole bunch. We concentrate more on us and not so much on us fighting everyone else. I think that finally after being married for a month, I have my epiphany. I finally feel married and like Mrs. Wheeler. All my new credit cards came in with my new name. Everything has been changed and I am loving it.

As long as things go this well for a while I think we can conquer anything and everything that comes our way. We will just take it one day at a time. Other than that, my cats are going to drive me insane one day but I guess that is their jobs! I love being a mom to 3 four legged feline children!! Its fantastic. Lets keep them felines and not real kids ok?