One Year Old

In 2 very short weeks Jacob will be turning a year old and that scares the you know what out of me. When did this happen?? I mean he was just an newborn right?? WRONG!! He has been growing so fast so quickly. Everyday it is something new. Yesterday he said "Nana" to my mom and it made her cry. This week we have been weaning off the bottle and formula and he only has one a day now and is almost on the cup 100%. He is standing alone and trying to take a step but he can't keep his balance. So much is changing and I just can't even believe he is so big already!! We are planning his birthday party which won't be until May 1st because of how busy the location we want it at is. But I am okay with that because things at my house have been really busy and I could use an extra month to plan it out. Plus April is going to be a busy month. I am going to Georgia near the middle of April for a few days which I am so excited about.

My Aunt (Dad's Sister) was a professor at Georgia State and since she passed away 10 years ago they always give out a scholarship in her name. My grandmother goes EVERY year except last year and I have always wanted to go but usually I am in school or getting ready to get married, or recovering from a c-sect but not this year. This year I have nothing going on during this time and Jake is at the age I can take him with me and he will do fine on the airplane. So we are going and I am so excited. I have not seen my aunt's colleagues since I was a kid and it will be so exciting to have them all meet Jacob. My aunt was not fortunate enough to have children and so I was her pride and joy. There isn't a day that goes by I don't think of her. She was the most amazing person I have ever known. She overcame so much in her life and I only wish she was here to see me with Jacob. She would have gone nuts over him and would have probably moved down her to be closer to us. I miss her so much! I knew growing up that she would always be there to talk to when times got rough and I wish she was here now because I could definitely use her great advice. Okay I have to stop talking about her because I am crying.

So anyway April will be rather busy! I also have started my own Scentsy business which is awesome. It is a great company to be working with and it has great products. If you are interested you should contact me for more info. So April is going to be busy busy!! There is so much more going on in my life but I don't feel like getting into. Just please pray for me and Jacob and that God turns us to the right direction. Hope everyone enjoys the rest of the March!! Have a great weekend all!!

10 Months Old

Today Jacob turned 10 months old. That is so mind boggling. Not only does that mean that in two short months he will be a year old but it means I have kept him alive for a whole year. He is the sunshine of my life and the thought of him getting just a bit older, learning to walk and talk breaks my heart. Where is my little newborn that couldn't do anything for himself? Now Jake can hold his own bottle and cup, feed himself and crawls everywhere. It is the first steps into the "Mom I don't need you for this anymore, I got it" attitude and I just DON'T like it. I want him to be 110% dependent on me again. I know that won't happen and I know that he is still VERY dependent on me but it is so hard to watch him grow so fast. I mean this time last year I was still throwing up with morning sickness and I was 7 months along. I was getting ready for my first little baby shower with all my girlfriends and I was just trying to get through my days. I had a great support helping me and I tried to get out as much as I could but at this point it was still hard. I was getting ready to move to a bigger apartment and I knew I had 2 more months before Jake would arrive.

That seems so long ago. We have come so far in a year and it's hard to imagine that this is how it will be forever. Before I didn't measure things in months, I barely could measure the hours. Now I've been measuring things in months for 20 months now roughly. Since the day my test was positive in August 2009 just two months after Greg and I's wedding. Everything is months, not days or minutes. How old is Jake? When will he turn 1? When is he supposed to do this or that? It is all measured in months. He is getting so close to standing alone. THAT scares me. He can say "mom", "tickle" and "cup". I swore he said, "It's cold" the other day but I could have been hearing things. He has become such a little person. I see so much of myself in him every day. I see even more of Greg in him. It is so special to watch facial expressions and temper tantrums and know exactly where he gets them from. He is definitely a "drama king." NO IDEA WHERE HE GETS THAT FROM!! :-)

Today was a snow day AGAIN. I am getting so tired of being trapped in doors. It should warm up tomorrow and I have 101 things to do OUTside the house. It will be nice to spend the day away. We really didn't do much today. Jake and I have both had colds that last week or so. I did manage to capture a picture of Jake looking out our french doors at the snow, almost to say "hey mom, lets go play" but it was too cold. I am hoping to get back in to a routine soon because this snow just stinks. All is well otherwise and I will continue to pout that Jake is growing just too fast. I hope everyone stays warm and safe.

I will leave you with this...

Snow

For those of you who live or have lived in Texas know that snow happens once a year if that. Last year it snowed several days in a row and we had a white Christmas. Well this year's "snow" started off as awful sleet and ice Tuesday. It did not get above 20 degrees at all this week so the ice has stayed. Then last night it snowed, like 6 inches. So now on top of ice we have 6 inches of snow. It is supposed to get "warm" until tomorrow which its expected to get 30 I think. Then it is supposed to snow next week too. I have cabin fever and I know everyone else does. They have closed school all week as well as many community offices and other places or work. Greg has gone in every day this week and was actual in a car accident yesterday in his company van. It wasn't his fault but it was still pretty scary. He is okay and back to work today. He is such a trooper. So I will leave you with pictures I took. I intend to take Jake out in it some time today just not sure when.

New Year Already

Well I haven't done a good job of blogging the last two months. Maybe its because I have been sick and super busy. In December the WHOLE family except Jake, got the stomach flu. It was awful and we all had the week before Christmas. But we were all better just in time for Christmas day and enjoyed a house full at our home. We decided since it was Jake's first Christmas it was better that everyone come to our house and celebrate. It turned out pretty nicely.

Greg and I threw a New Year's party and had a bunch of friends over New Year's Eve which was way fun but super exhausting. And since then it has just been busy, busy, busy. Our lease for our house is up in March so we have started looking at out options. We would love to buy a house but we aren't sure if we qualify. Something that we are going to look into. I also received some news that I will be needing surgery in the next month. I have a large cyst on my left ovary and it has to be removed along with my left ovary. Hopefully they can do a laproscopy procedure but they may have to go in where they did my c-sect. As of now I don't have more details then that.

Greg and I have been really trying to get our relationship back on track this year. So we will see where that takes us. I am excited to try and get back to how we were before Jake. It's all a work in progress.

Other than that no news to report. Hope everyone had a safe Holiday season and a great New Year!

It's that time of the year again...

For anyone that lives in Texas you know what I am talking about... Fall! The horrid season that can never find a good temperature to stay at. Some days its hot, some days its cold, some days its both. With this "wonderful" time of year comes the dreaded runny nose and cough. My poor little Jacob has Bronchitis and I have Laryngitis. We are both sick and its 80 degrees out today. How is this possible? Well folks we live in Texas, the state I like to refer to as BIPOLAR. Texas is the only state where it can rain, snow and be sunny all in a 24 hour period. You know that its that time of year because when you go to the doctor's office, the waiting room is full and everyone has a klennex in their hands. It is simply awful and the fact that tomorrow it will be 54 degrees is disheartening. It is good though, that Thanksgiving will be cold because it should be.

Greg and I will be traveling to his families for Thanksgiving. Ah, the life of a married woman. I am sure all you married women know what I am talking about, splitting of the holiday with both families. Thanksgiving is a time where people travel far, very far to visit relatives they only see once a year and in that time they realize why they only visit them once a year. No in all honesty I am excited about visiting Greg's family. They are all so nice and none of them have really met Jacob yet. It should be exciting, as long as Jacob stays well enough.

So as the holidays approach just remember that you can't choose your family but you can choose when to leave after dinner.... hahaha.... I am just kidding!! Let us all be thankful for everything we have in our lives, even our relatives!

Happy Thanksgiving

Learning to Share My Love

After Jacob was born my whole life changed. I no longer was taking care of myself, I was taking care of another life. A helpless life who can't feed himself, change himself or move himself. My whole life was centered around caring for him. I jumped right into Motherhood without any hesitation. I have wanted to be a mommy for as long as I can remember. The day Jacob was born was the happiest moment of my life. As the months past I noticed Greg and I began to fight... a lot. More so then we had ever fought before. Instead of trying to figure out why we were fighting we ignored it and continued on with life. I have been staying home with Jacob and we have bond that is unbreakable. He is the love of my life and I couldn't imagine my life without my little monkey. Greg and I continued to fight but I didn't really care because I had Jacob. All these months I had blamed Greg, he wasn't doing this right or was pulling us apart. Never in a million years would I realize it was I who was pulling us apart. A month and a half ago I was so fed up I was ready to leave. Then I looked down at Jacob. I know what it is like not having your father there all the time and I didn't want that for him. I stopped and looked at Greg and told him that we needed to figure out problems out and quick. Over the last month I had done a lot of soul searching. I finally started thinking that maybe it wasn't Greg, it was me. But I had Jacob, I deserved the attention and love. That was my thinking anyway. It had been my thinking for 6 months.

At that point I realized it wasn't Greg. He hadn't changed at all, he was still the loving, caring man I had married 1 year and a half ago. I changed, and not for the better. I lost site of Greg, and concentrated on Jacob. Jacob had replaced Greg instead of joining our family. I didn't know how to share my love with both Jacob and Greg. I only knew how to be a mommy. I forgot how to be his wife, his partner, his friend. I put Jacob first in my life and that is where Greg should have been. Greg felt left out, he didn't have the bond with Jacob that I had. He didn't have a bond with me either. He felt that he wasn't important and jealous of Jacob. I realized I had made him feel that way and it wasn't my intention. I was ready to be a mommy but wasn't ready to share my time between being a wife and a mommy.

I have changed all my actions and Greg and I are better then ever. I made sure that when Jacob was asleep Greg felt important. I am doing all I can to include him in Jake's daily routine that I am so used to. He is number one in my life again just as he should be.

I shared my story because I wanted to let other moms out there that maybe having the same problem that it is normal. I also want moms who are pregnant to know not to forget there husbands. It is so easy to replace them with out children. We are woman and don't know any better. If you feel that you are neglecting your husband take a minute after the baby goes to sleep and have some time together with out the TV or computer. 5 minutes will go a long way. Remember that having a baby doesn't mean your marriage is over, it means you have to work a little harder to keep it together.

Fires only leave Ashes

There are so many events in our lives that shape us to be the people we are. These events that we experience change our lives forever. I have so many of those this past year. The day I got pregnant changed my life drastically forever, the day I gave birth was the happiest day of my life but there was one event in between those that I can recall so vividly and it changed the way I think about everything.

If I recall it was February 13th 2010, around 2 am. I was just under 7 months pregnant and still able to sleep comfortably. Greg and I were fast asleep in bed when we had a loud knock on our door. Greg told me to stay in bed since it was 2 am and who knows who it was. I don't listen well and got up, put my robe on and walked in the living room. There were two police officers standing at my door and my heart dropped. What could they possibly want at 2 in the morning? At this point my head went through all the worst case scenarios: Someone died, someone was in accident, I was getting arrested. They asked if Meghan Wheeler lived here and I spoke up behind Greg. They then proceeded to tell me that my "mother's" house had caught on fire and that it had burnt down. I was instructed to go pick up my "grandfather" from the neighbors and that my "mother" was on her way to the ER via ambulance. At this point I was very confused. My mother and grandmother live in the same city but they never speak so I was confused as to why my grandfather would be at the mother's house. At that point I asked about my step-father and my younger brother. The officers said there were only two people inside the house. Still very confused I closed the door and tried to rationalize what just happened. If I had been smart and thinking straight I would have asked for the address. But I wasn't think straight so I went into the bedroom to get dressed and while doing so checked my phone to see if I had any missed calls. Sure enough there were 3. One from dispatch at the fire department saying my "grandmother's" house had caught on fire and that she was headed to the ER. She then proceeded to give me the address. The other two were from my grandmother telling me where she was and that my grandfather needed to be picked up. Greg and I split up, he went to pick up Grandpa and I headed to the hospital.

On my drive there, I called my father and told him what was going on. He told me to keep him posted and he would be up first thing in the morning. I walked into the emergency and into my grandma's room. She had black ash and smoke all over her face. They were watching her because she had inhaled a lot of smoke. I asked her what happened and she proceeded to tell me. She and Grandpa both woke up about the same time to use the bathroom. This is odd because they sleep in separate rooms. After the bathroom she said she heard some popping and crackling noises. She went out into the living room to see what was going on. The smoke detectors had not gone off and there wasn't any smoke in the house. She went to the door to the garage and instead of feeling like we all learned in elementary school, she opened it right up. The flames and smoke went right over her head and the back draft began. She got Grandpa out of the house and when they walked outside an off duty firefighter was already on his way into the her house. He was driving to work and noticed the smoke and fire from the garage and called 911 and proceeded to try to get anyone who might be in there out. I sat quiet in her room trying to regroup and understand all she had told me. The fire had started in the garage but the alarms never went off. My grandmother had just watched her house, her life, all her belonging burn before her eyes. Overall she was taking it pretty well. The doctor came in and said they were going to keep her for observation to make sure she was okay. Just then, my phone rang, it was Greg. He had gotten to the house and gotten to my grandpa. He said that the house was gone, there was nothing left. I guess I thought he was over exaggerating, he does that often because I didn't really believe him that the house was gone.

I told my grandma the house was gone and she just sat in disbelief. Greg was going to take my grandpa to get some warm clothes and shoes and would be at the hospital soon. Grandma was transferred to the observation floor and shortly after Greg arrived. We decided to leave and grab some breakfast and then I wanted Greg to take me to the house. I wanted to be able to prepare my grandma for whatever was there. I didn't want her to see it, not until I knew what it was. We pulled up to the house and all I could do was cry. Greg wasn't exaggerating, the house was gone. There was nothing. You could see from the garage straight to the other side. There were some fire fighters still on the scene. They were waiting for the fire marshal to come investigate the cause. I remember the smell mostly, it was the worst smell. The concrete was buried in ash and water. It was black, as was the brick and the few wooden beams left. Grandma's car was completed gutted, all that was left was the metal frame. It was a horrific site, one that I hope to never see again. I called my mom to let her know what was going on. Even though my mom and grandma didn't get along my mom was very sympathetic and started crying on the phone. We decided it was time to return to the hospital. Now that I knew what the house was like, I could try and prepare my grandma for what was coming. I knew I didn't want to be the one that took her to the house so I decided I would leave that to my father when he got into town. I grabbed Grandma some clothes from the store and headed back to the hospital.

Once there I tried to explain to her what was left which was nothing and that for now, we were going to go to my house until Dad got into town. She agreed because she knew I was exhausted being 7 months pregnant and all and didn't put up a fight. The day went by slow and Dad arrived mid-afternoon. It was crazy trying to get every organized, like where they were going to stay, calling the insurance company, getting them clothes, all the things that we take for granted. Things settled down by the end of the weekend and grandma went back to work Monday morning. Dad stayed for a week or so to get things in order. The decision was made to not rebuild her home because there wasn't anything left and to sell the property.

All in all everything has turned out okay. My grandmother bought a beautiful home that was newer and smaller. She didn't need all that space anymore any way. There were so many memories in that house. My grandmother kept everything. These were things I grew up with and have been in every house she ever lived in. There were dolls, stuffed animals, my books from when I was a kid, every art project I ever made at her house and all sorts of things belonging to my Aunt Marie but now they are all gone, they are ash are irreplaceable. It is hard going into her new house because it doesn't have the same smell, the pictures of me from birth until graduation aren't on her walls, baby pictures of my dad and aunt aren't where they should and her millions of owls that she had all over the house are no where to be found. It doesn't smell like the antiques she had, the furniture is all new and it is so hard sometimes. I have to remember everything happens for a reason and I know that this was one of those situations. It has changed the way I feel about things. I know that living is so much more important than the things we live with. One of the amazing things that happened was the community and how the rallied to help my grandma. The doctor in the hospital came in and opened his wallet and emptied it out for her. He didn't think anything of it, he just did it. It is people like that, that remind you why we try to do good things. I didn't share this on my blog when it happened but I felt I needed to now. I will leave you with a few pictures of the fire and damage.

These were taken by a woman at the fire.

The fire was awful, they are lucky to be alive.

The next morning, the front of the house.

This was the garage on the side of the house.

The is in the middle of the house in the living area.