Writing

Not sure if any of you know but I love to write, poems mostly. I have a ton of updates but I am too lazy so instead I thought I would leave you with some poems.

I will wipe your tears and hold your hand
I will write our story in the sand
I will leave the light on all through the night
I will keep on fighting for what is right
I will cherish, honor and always love
I will treasure my gift from up above
I will never let go to our tight bond
I will yours forever and beyond
I will continue to love you every day
I will do it not caring what you say
I will always love without a fear
I will never let go to you my dear


I see your face, it makes me smile
I only wish you stayed awhile
But you’re not mine to have, to hold
Life without you is just plain cold
I hope one day you’ll understand
You marked my heart like prints in sand
You’re brilliant, beautiful and all I need
With your hand, my heart will lead
The day I met you life changed forever
I will not leave you, not now, not ever
Until the end I will always fight
As hard as I can with all my might
I look forward to that special day
When things can finally go our way
I’m incomplete without you here
I hope you know I love you dear


Neither of these are about anyone in particular and neither have titles. I hate coming up with titles. Enjoy them!

I am tired...

I think motherhood has caught up to me because I am tired all the time now. I don't know if all the late night feedings are catching up or just the exhaustion from my busy baby but I am so tired. I could sleep all day and night for 2 days straight and I still think I would be exhausted. Mom, Jacob and I went on a vacation last week and that was tiring. He was such a handful and it was a long drive to Branson. It was great spending time with Mom and Jacob but now I feel the need to go on vacation to recoup from my vacation. Jacob has been going non-stop now. He is constantly moving and trying to crawl. He can almost sit up on his own which is so crazy. I can't believe my baby is growing up so fast.

I think I am going through a phase. I am constantly wanting to go out and hang with friends and have a few drinks. Maybe it because I missed out on being 21 since I was pregnant but I feel so guilty with Jacob and knowing that I have him and no matter how late I stay out, he still gets up at 5 am. It is hard being a young mom, I never knew it until now. I love him with all my heart and wouldn't trade him for the world, but it is so hard. I feel like I am letting him down by going out and having fun.

I have a lot of things going on right now and I don't want to go into details but if everyone could say a prayer for me that would be great. I am very confused and need some guidance and help.I don't know how things will turn out, but good or bad I want to know I have the support of my friends. Who knew that all these life changing events could be so difficult? Jacob is my little light that lights all the dark spaces I have right now and he is just amazing. I really hope everyone is having a good week and TGIF tomorrow, don't know if I could have made it another day. Oh Greg and I are going out of town this weekend for my best friends wedding. Should be fun, since we are going without Jacob. We shall see!!!

The Baby Doesn't Care if Your Sick

So this isn't the first time I have felt sick since I had Jacob but I think this is the first time where I have felt so awful I didn't want to get out of bed. Before Jacob came, if I was sick, I stayed in bed, I slept and didn't really have to do too much. Now with Jacob he still gets up at 7 am to eat and still wants to be played with all day and although he has been an angel while I have felt bad, it really doesn't matter to him that I am sick. He still needs to be fed and changed. This is the first time I can honestly say that motherhood is hard. Yes sleepless night are difficult but you get used to it. This is truly hard because I am sick, I am very tired and all I want to do is lay in bed and I can't. As soon as I would close my eyes for a nap, Jacob would wake up and need a bottle. I thank God for Greg though because he came home, saw how exhausted I was and let me nap for an hour and a half. After a 9 hour day he came home and played with Jacob and cleaned the house while I slept. Hopefully I will be able to sleep tonight but I am not counting on it. I haven't slept the whole night through in a week. Jacob is sleeping through the night but I'm not.

It is going to be a long weekend. My dad is in town for a few days helping my grandparents move into their new house. Jacob has his 4 month appointment on Monday and I have a check up too! Hopefully all will go well. Sunday will hopefully be filled with a whole lot of nothing!! We are trying to find a home for our cat Shadow but I don't see that happening so we will probably take him to a shelter. It is sad but he has just become a handful and I can't care for all the cats and Jacob. All in all though it should be a good weekend. I just want to feel better and hopefully I will!!

Teeth, Work, and Formula Oh My!

Well this week Jacob got his first two teeth. They came in on the bottom and I can't believe my little baby has teeth already, and not just one, but TWO!! He is just growing up a little too fast for me. I also just put more clothes in the box of too small. That made me sad because I feel like he only wore them once. Hopefully since 12 months has a larger range they will last longer.

I have been doing a lot of research for work from home but man, it seems nowadays everything is a scam. When Greg and I talked about me going back to work, it seemed like a great idea until we found out how much it was going to cost to put Jacob in childcare. We quickly realized that I would be only be working so he could be watched. Didn't seem very logical to us so we gave up on that idea. So I figured if I could work from home I could make money and be home with him but nothing seems legit. It either costs a ton to start or you have to sell things to your friends. I know that my friends would hate me if I was down their throats about selling things so that's a no go.

We did get some government help this last week from a program called WIC, Women, Infants and Children. It gives us a card which gives a monthly balance of groceries we are allotted. It doesn't cover everything but it covers formula which costs the most and milk which is awesome. All in all I think we will be saving quite a bit of money on this program. When Jacob turned 6 months though we will no longer get milk, cheese and eggs, only formula and baby food. But we get that until he turns 1 so that is good. I only wish I had jumped on this band wagon sooner. The appointment was very quick and they took Greg's income into account and since I really don't work we got approved easily. We had physicals which might I add Jacob weighs 16 pounds and 5 ounces. He is such a big boy now!! Then we watched a movie and got our card and we were all set. I have already gone to store and it is super easy. Much easier then I had anticipated.

This month is going to be SUPER busy. This week I work Tuesday, have my Mommy Group over Wednesday, Dad coming into town Thursday and then it's my last weekend with Greg before I go out of town. Jacob, my mom and I leave the 13th for a week vacation to Branson, MO. Hopefully we will have some company up there. Then we come home and on the 28th Greg, Jacob and I have a wedding to go to in Jacksonville TX. My best friend from Middle School is getting married and I am so excited for her. So all in all it is going to be a busy month. Then the kids go back to school and I will no longer being working. Bummer!! I love my kids I take care of. It is going to fly by though I am sure.

Also I had my first social event since I gave birth to Jacob. It was a Bridal Shower for said friend getting married and it was a blast catching up with friends from school. I did leave early because I knew Jacob would be up 6 am sharp and sure enough 6:30 am he was up that next morning. Hopefully as he gets older it will be easier to leave and do girl get together with friends. I am sure it will.

I wasn't going to post any pictures but Greg took one the other day of Jacob and I, and I absolutely love it! SO here is it:

Staying at Home

So I love the 5 days a week I get to spend with Jacob all by myself while Greg works. I am happy that I am able to that. Greg is such a hard worker and is happy that he can provide us enough to get by so I can stay home. But I have to admit that my favorite days are Sunday and Monday. Those are the days that we 3 get to spend together because they are Greg's days off.

We get to go to the pool and swim, or we can lounge in our PJs all day long and watch cartoons. The only thing that really needs to get done on these days are Greg's work laundry and any work things he may have to do while home. Those both don't take to long. It also means more time to lay in bed and snuggle before Jacob wakes up.

I do however wish Greg could have the opportunity that I get during the week with Jacob. We have so much fun playing and swimming and visiting Nana. I love having the option of not knowing what the day will bring. At least on Sundays and Mondays Greg gets to be a part of our little world of staying at home. And boy have they become so cute together.

Size What??

Well I don't know what to do about my little... eh big baby. He is 14 weeks old, 3 months and I just bought him size 12 months. Not for the future, for him to wear now! AHHHH! Where did my baby go? I can't believe he is getting so big so fast. He is 15 lbs and is 26 inches long. He is so long so none of his clothes fit. When he was born he wore 3 months, then moved to 6 months and pretty much skipped over size 9 months. I have a ton of clothes with tags on them that he hasn't and won't touch. It's awful. Luckily Carter's was having a HUGE sale and got a ton of outfits for $2 and $3 a piece. Which is great since he doesn't seem to stay in them very long.

In other news, he is sleeping through the night again, still teething but he got over this awful cold. Last night he slept 12 hours!! Oh my goodness, 12 hours is a long time. I will tell you I definitely enjoyed the sleep. Too bad it can't be like that every night.

Greg and I are doing well. Just enjoying our little family. Greg gets so excited when he comes home now. He can make Jacob laugh so hard, harder then I can. I think he prides himself in that. Jacob is starting to look like Greg too. That makes me happy.

My mom had her birthday last weekend and we made sure it was super special. My step-dad was out of town so I made sure she spent it with us. We had dinner at the Cheesecake Factory and then came back to the apartment where she loved all over Jacob. He loves his Nana so much. They are so cute together. She is now an official senior citizen, 55 years old. She wears it well and I hope she stays around for another 20 or 30 years. I think that is my biggest fear is that she won't be around to see Jacob do things. It's scary, even though I had him young, she had me when she was older. I try to take as many pictures of them together as she will let me. I want to make sure that Jacob will always know who is Nana is, just in case she isn't here. I just wish she would let me take more pictures. She enjoys every minute she gets with him. She comes and visits at least once a week and we go see her once or twice a week. She can't go a few days without seeing him and that makes me so happy!!

I love my little family!

Mobile Baby

When I went into Jacob's room this morning to feed him I noticed he was crawling, but he was asleep. So I suppose you can say he was sleep crawling. I think that means he is going to be crawling soon. It's in his sub conscience I think, so now if he can only remember how to crawl when he's awake I will have a mobile baby! As much as that makes me excited at the same time I want my little baby to stop growing so quickly. I feel like he is just growing by leaps and bounds. He will 3 months old on Friday and I can't believe it. He is just getting so big so quick. If anyone had told me this I would have taken more pictures, not that I need to. I take a million a week.

In other news, I can't believe it's July already! Wow where did the time go?? I have taken on a craft project. I am making a toy box with a bench for Jacob. Since he has become mobile in his crib, his stuff animals need a new home so I thought this was a perfect way to occupy my time. I will upload pictures when I am done. Other then that I am enjoying my summer with my baby. Greg and I are doing so great as well. Thing are just dandy right now. Hope everyone had a great 4th of July. This weekend in my mom's birthday and since my step dad is out of town we are going to have her over for a birthday dinner. Other then that not a lot going on!!