Ever had one of those? You know where something is happening to you and you are apart of it but at the same time you are in such disbelief that it doesn't seem like its happening to you, like you are watching it happen to someone? Well I had one of those this week. I never in 6 years ever thought I took a certain person for granted but as of Monday she called our friendship quits. Apparently I am too self centered to be her friend. There is much more to this story but I would really rather skip the details. She flipped out about something that wasn't my fault but she didn't know the person whose fault it really was so it was easier to blame it on me. Silly but I am now the kind of person that will ALWAYS take responsibility if I am to blame. Even Monday I took the blame knowing it was completely out of my hands. She criticized me and said some horrible things about the life I have chosen, ie. being married, and that hurt me to the core. I am doing the very best I can and I chose to be a wife. I can not imagine doing things any differently, except running away to Vegas for the wedding, but I wouldn't change the fact I am married. I am truly, honestly 100% happy with Greg and with being his wife. Financially we are going through so trouble but right now who isn't? I just don't understand what made her lash out at me? I have never seen her say such horrible things to anyone. I just sat there and let it happen because I didn't realize what was going on until it was over. This is the second friend from high school that I have had a falling out with in the last 7 months and I just don't get it! Is it me? I am ruining my friendships but skipping some steps and moving quicker then they? Or I am really truly self centered as she said? These are all questions I must think through!
In other news, I am almost certain I am pregnant! It has truly been a rough week and at first thoughts of it, I was scared out of my mind. Now I am so excited that I can't possible wait to find out! I have till the 24th before I can know official and that seems like an eternity doesn't it? Greg at first was scared, he kept asking, am I going to be a good father, can I provide for my family? And I just told him that all will fall into place. If I am then we will be great parents and if I am not then we will keep living life to the fullest without a baby. Personally, I really want this baby to be here. I want to be a mom so bad that I can hardly stand it. I didn't think I would want kids so soon after marriage, I thought I would want to wait a couple years but I want a family. I want to go through 9 months of hell and at the same time the most fantastic experience of my life. I almost want to keep trying if I am not pregnant now! I must be crazy, but I am so emotional about it I don't know what to expect right now. All I know is I am ready or at least I think I am ready!
I hope that summer is a sweet and romantic one. My first one as his wife. I am loving my job taking care of the best kids in the world and I imagine the summer will speed by with them keeping me busy!! Bon Voyage
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